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Part 3 – Comparisons and Lessons

Good day all. So here we go with the final installment of the mini-series. Today I want to talk about Comparisons and Lessons, specifically the comparisons between Game 1 and 2 and the lessons I have learned through my experience thus far.

As I mentioned the challenges of the two Games were very different and thus my behavior was different, how different I’m not quite sure but definitely different. Looking at the two structures there are obvious differences with everything from the time spent in hospital, the schedule of day passes and discharges, many things differed in this respect. Perhaps the most significant difference was the way I spent my days. Game 1 saw me have some infections and physical pain, but in relation to Game 2 it was not severe in this respect. Game 1 saw me have day passes for a week to 10 days before I was released, while last Friday was the first time I had left the hospital for 17 days and I have been home ever since.

If I had to describe Game 1 I would use the words strategy and communication to highlight my priorities and my focus. From the mental side my biggest challenge was dealing with the fact that I have Leukemia, and this is something that I will deal with at some level, every day for the rest of my life. I was faced with the mental challenge of letting all my immediate plans go, all the hours I had spent, over the previous 18 months, building Exeter Imaging, my company, didn’t matter any more.

Flashback: I will remember November 6th, 1998 for the rest of my life. I will specifically remember “adjusting the bar”, which is the best way I can describe my thoughts. I remember taking the ambulance ride to the hospital, it was my third ride and this time I didn’t even get the siren. Ironically it has turned out to be my most serious trip to the hospital. I remember thinking that I was just going to the hospital for x-rays because when I passed out I had hit my head. Total precautionary measures, or so I thought. I arrived thinking I was there for a few hours and that changed dramatically over the course of the following two days. The most vivid memory I have is talking with Dr. Petal, a family friend and extremely kind gentle man. I explained to him that I had a really big work week coming up, important meetings on Monday, Tuesday and later in the week, “am I going to be out of here by Sunday or so.” He took my hand, standing next to my bed and looked my in the eye, I knew what he was going to say before he said, “no, you’re not going to make it to those meetings”.

Just like that I had one week, a very important week, taken – stolen, and from there we progressed to present day of 3 months, almost to the day. So really I think in addition to the strategy it was “acknowledging” the significance of my situation, and “accepting” the reality of it, and finally from there “addressing” it appropriately. I let my business go, among many other areas of interest and attempted to focus on the task at hand. This focusing took me a few days as I had trouble with the stealing of my present business potential and I was frustrated that all my plans, for the week, month, and really the next 8 months, were gone. This frustration still exists, I don’t think it will ever completely go away, it’s kind of like missing a meeting, a concert, a hockey game, or a date because you’re car broke down, you don’t really have control over your missed opportunity. It’s kind of like that, except on a different level. I have worked through my feelings relating to my stolen property, and can say with confidence that it was one of the tougher components of Game 1.

What I have taken from Game 1 experience is a calming feeling inside. I don’t get as excited as I used to, and certainly not as excited about the dumb stuff, partially because I don’t have the energy but also because it’s not important. Before my Cancer my business and business related activities were number 1, they were my priority, and once you have your priorities re-arranged by someone/something other than you, everything else takes on a different light. Again, this is one of the many differences between your Cancer experience and mine. In addition to my new calm nature I learned a whole bunch about people, and I won’t say much about this except this line that kind of explains my thoughts. (It is from my “lines, thoughts, and other stuff” file)

“The more I think about people less I want to think about people, yet the more I think about people the more I want to think about people.”

Simply I like thinking of some and I don’t like thinking of others.

Game 2, I will sum up with two words, pain and patience. The first you need not know much more about, but the second is of particular interest to me. I touched on this yesterday when I said I’m “learning to live with less”, which I took from one of my Nurses. The most interesting point of this “learning” is that I have acknowledged that I have to live with less. Less energy, less activity, less “normal” life experience, such as eating in a restaurant, having a Friday beer “or two”, all those things that you normally take for granted. While I realize I have to live with less I’m not sure how it will all play out, I have been doing so for a week since being released, but I’m not sure how I’ll adapt once my levels come back and I feel better. An interesting point for me and I find it funny that I have acknowledged that this will be a challenge of today and tomorrow. I find it funny that I have acknowledged a situation but don’t really know what my reaction and actions will be. This is something I will keep you posted on. I feel that in many ways this latest challenge is related to the challenge of Game 1, my stolen property, and maybe that is why I can talk about this challenge with a greater level of comfort and much less frustration. Interesting question I just raised and kind of answered.

Bringing everything full circle, living with less directly relates to acknowledging Cancer as we Cancer Killers, present and future, must learn this lesson and it may not always be evident to others that we are even learning this lesson and reducing our levels of operation. Again another source of frustration, stemming from the simplifying or minimizing of this lesson. If you think about it surely you can see how difficult it would be to take your regular day and have your 12-18 hour battery replaced with a 2-3 hour disposable. And I feel it is my duty now, but more importantly later, to communicate this message on behalf of my Cancer peers.

Hope you have enjoyed my recent thought process, this whole experience is a learning process and I have always said that I wanted to expose anyone, who is interested, to the details of Cancer, not what you see on television or read in the papers, but real direct exposure. Those information sources have their place, but I definitely provide a different angle and I love doing it. I’m done for now, have a dandy day and I will touch base soon.

Geoff
#4

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