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Graft vs. Host Disease: Balancing For Me

Hey everyone, hope you are having a great day. Today I’m writing with a fairly specific thought in mind but how I’ll communicate it is not quite as defined, so you’ll have to bare with me as I try and make my thoughts clear, as this is important for me to communicate. So I’m going to throw thoughts at my screen and hopefully you can make sense of them.

All of us are many things to many different people, surely our parents see us in a different light than our friends, our boy/girlfriends see us differently than our classmates/coworkers, people who know us well have different views than those who don’t. But inside there is only one You. Some people may have more of a Challenge finding their true self, but I believe there is only one and different people in your life will pick up on different parts of who you are depending on a whole bunch of things.

One of the Challenges I face is that you all see me in your own customized way yet I write to you all in one form message, thus it could be quite a Challenge for me to “give” you all what you are looking for, it would really be near impossible. That is not something I have ever tried to do, as I realized the Challenge from the beginning and I have chosen to do what I do when I face most of my Challenges. I look inside me and that is where I start to tackle it. While I believe that we all are many things to many people, I also believe that it’s most important that we be our true selves to those people. I don’t mean be the same way, just true to yourself. And that is what I make the effort to do with you all in this great on-line community we have created.

Some of you are my friends and family who have known me for a long time, some of you are high school and university students I have connected with and interacted with since becoming sick in 1998 and we have shared a variety of experiences, most of you have joined my journey since July of this year when my second Cancer Challenge arrived and I have connected with many of you to share struggles and Challenges while others our contact has been one way. Through all of our interactions and communication, here in your inbox, or anywhere else in person, I make the effort to remain true to myself.

And often times I find that will expose a different side of me to many who never saw that side before… this is where it gets tricky for me. I have learned that many people see me as a strong, inspiring person, which I can see as I love to be Positive and tackle my Challenges head on both of which can be associated with strength and inspiration. One of my favourite things in this life is to inspire another to do something that they have wanted to do, but never have. To think, to feel, to believe in something they didn’t before, to think, to feel, to believe in themselves – that is my favourite thing. I am blessed to have been able to create and take advantage of opportunities to help that process along for many people, and the true blessing is that I have been able to see some of the results of our collective effort. (Remember the equation success=“Preparation” + Opportunity, there are at least 2 parts to Success or growth or learning, whatever you wish to call it)

While strength and inspiration are important to me I feel that sometimes I need to ask permission to be a regular guy because that is what I am. I don’t really mean ‘ask permission’ more ask people to remember it. I won’t lie and say that it isn’t a great feeling to have people associate you with strength and inspiration, it is very moving and inspirational in itself. I guess what I am cautious about is portraying an image that is not accurate and that is why I would like you all to remember that I’m just a regular guy. Most all of my time in Challenge is spent being Positive, I feel that, but I want you to know that I struggle with Challenge too, lots of times. And it’s not always what seem to be the Big Challenges that are the toughest, it’s different for everyone. Cancer Challenges are very customized experiences, and I have been able to recognize once again some of the reasons why this one has come into my life at this time, and it is the right time, again. I want and will continue to share with you all, and I’ll do that to hopefully inspire you to tackle your Challenges with heart, determination, Love and a Positive Attitude. And I’ll also share to help you learn and teach you about some of the experiences of a Cancer Patient. Those are my purposes for being here with you.

Please know that when I’m “low or down” it’s temporary and “it’s a feeling not a state of being”. My state of being is and will be Positive, my feelings, they will fluctuate and I look forward to sharing more of both with you all. Thanks for listening, hope this made sense, felt good to write. Back soon.

Live Life. Love Life.


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