It is one of those times of life that I remember and can connect with so strongly on the emotional level that it’s as if I’m reliving it.  Christmas was always a big deal in our house, my parents were incredibly generous and we were incredibly lucky to receive far more than we could ever have needed. 

But it was never only about the gifts, I’m a pretty traditional guy in the sense that I love tradition and my Christmas’s had a consistent theme, big family gatherings, lots of little cousins and reading “The Grinch” on Christmas Eve.  My bro and I are the oldest grandchildren on both sides so we would hold court with our little cousins in the basement of the host family’s house.  We typically had a double shot of family on the 24th, 25th and 26th, Mom’s side and Dad’s side.  And we loved it.

My grandfather Eaton would read The Grinch on Christmas Eve.  When he died in 1994 the responsibility and honour became mine.  Now that my bro and I have our own kids my Dad carries the torch for them, it is definitely top 3 in my favourite parts of the holidays.

In 1998 I was celebrating my 24th Christmas, it came six weeks after my diagnosis of leukemia.  I was sprung from hospital a few weeks prior and had some time to recover from my 38-day stay.  There was anticipation, excitement and at some major level a lack of awareness surrounding my attendance at the upcoming holiday gatherings.

This is typical of me, especially at that time.  I was truly in the moment, feeling so blessed to still be here for the holidays that thoughts of my now very bald head, and my wiry frame that was down 30 pounds didn’t cross my mind.

After the family gatherings we headed to the Newman’s, neighbours from the time I was 10.  The night was as if written for a movie, no wind, big fluffy flakes of snow falling and in the middle of the holiday cheer I got an idea.  I darted home, just two doors away, threw on my snowsuit and snuck into the Newman’s backyard.  I dropped down on their deck without any of the dozens on the other side of the sliding doors noticing and there I made perhaps my best snow angel ever.  I jumped up, the patio lights came on and light up the angel perfectly.

In that moment snow angels were redefined for me.

The following days were different, deeper, slower, more meaningful and as magical as my Christmas Eve angel.  For a few days I was able to get a break from the hospital, reconnect with my “normal” side, participate in the regular happenings of the season.  It was healing.  It also brought conflict as there was a part of me that wanted to stay in that space.

I requested a delay in my second round of chemo, which I was granted, so I began in the New Year.  As everyone returned to their routines and responsibilities I went back in hospital for my second round of chemo.  Within minutes of it flowing I was hit was severe headaches, my docs debated stopping my therapy.  Within a day or so I would have a lumber puncture (needle in my spinal column) to test my spinal fluid for leukemia, another day and I would have a CAT scan checking for a brain tumour.

It was a swift and shocking reminder that my life had changed, my path was different now.  The holidays allowed that awareness to fade for a few days.  I immersed myself in the moment and allowed my first holiday season with cancer to take me away from cancer.  It was a reprieve for which I was grateful and a time I will hold in memory forever.

This year over 6,500 young adults are having their first holiday season with cancer, I hope they are able to cherish it they way I did.

Always…
Live life.  Love life.

Geoff

During the summer of 2008 I was approached to join the newly created Adolescent Young Adult Task Force, an initiative of the Canadian Partnership Against Cancer (CPAC).  It came at a time when I was stepping away from most of my volunteer activities to keep some balance in my life, reduce travel and focus where I should be focused, on Young Adult Cancer Canada and the young adults we serve.

However, it was an invitation that I could not refuse.

The task force is focused on creating recommendations for the management of adolescents and young adults (AYA) with cancer.  And while not explicitly stated anywhere, we are working to fundamentally change the way Canadian health systems handle AYA when they are diagnosed with cancer.

From March 11-13, 2010 in Toronto the task force will host a workshop for about 100 people connected to this cause.  There will be experts from around the world presenting on various topics and the three days will engage participants in everything from biology to survivorship.  The first two days will be focused on management of patients/survivors the third will be focused on research priorities.

For the past year and a half I’ve done my best to represent survivors on this evolving initiative.  It is at times a lonely pursuit as I remain the lone survivor voice at the table, but we are at the table.

Now it is time to invite more people to “dinner” to complement the very committed group of health professionals who join me on the task force.  Although I pitched having 50% of the workshop attendees be survivors we settled on 25%.  We have agreed to break these down into three equally represented groups – 1. Pediatric patients who are now AYA survivors 2. AYA patients who are still AYA’s and within ~2 years of treatment, and 3. AYA patients who are still AYA’s but are further than 2 years from treatment.  YACC has been asked to recruit survivors for groups 2 and 3.

It is a tough job.  Not to find them but to narrow down the invitations.  In addition to the time of diagnosis and age at diagnosis we also have to consider type of cancer, gender and geography to name a few factors, as well as occupation.  It is all in an effort to ensure we have balanced representation.  This also means that we can’t invite all of our favourite survivor buddies.

Some will get invitations starting today and then based on numbers we’ll be able to add a few more to the list.  Regardless of who shows YACC remains committed to ensuring that the voices of survivors are heard and will keep you posted on workshop planning and other opportunities to share your perspective with us so that we can represent it at this workshop and all future activities of the task force.

Always…
Live life. Love life.

Geoff