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Responsibility to Self

It appears I’m on a bit of a “responsibility” theme these past few messages, and that is a word I have always taken seriously. In most areas of my life anyway.

Responsibilities to family, friends, my teammates in sport, at work, I was always a pretty responsible kid. At least I was so when I cared about things.

The truth is that I was never a very good student, and much of that was because I didn’t care or was disinterested in the curriculum. However, fortunately that too changed as I grew.

But I do have to be honest my responsibility does wane when it doesn’t apply to something that I care for in some significant way.

My family, friends, teammates and work duties all fit in that “care for” category and have for as long as I remember.

Like my homework for much of grade school, my health was an area that I neglected. And the major neglect really arose out of ignorance and a lack of awareness combined with a healthy dose of youthful invincibility.

That changed with my diagnosis of leukemia in 1998.

One of the first “pro-actions” (proactive action) I made was to take control of my situation, and in doing so I took responsibility for myself. As much as I could anyway. This was one of the key steps in my life, period. The step of taking responsibility for my situation was one of the most important things I have ever done. It has lead me to the place I am today, happy, healthy, rebuilding and making a contribution using my “bad” experience to do some “good.”

I remember those early days in hospital on 4 North A in the Health Sciences Centre in St. John’s, NL, I used to basically confront each new doc or nurse that came to care for me by informing them of my hockey strategy, that I was in control, and that they played an important advisory role to my recovery and healing. And that is really how I saw things, and still see them for that matter. Docs and nurses are important advisors, but they aren’t in control. The good ones know that.

I feel this process of taking control, taking responsibility is important no matter your age, and I realize that as a younger patient (late teens or 20’s) it may be hard sometimes but I feel it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I’m not suggesting cutting your parents out of the loop, if they are still in the loop, but merely stepping up and playing an active role in your care and recovery.

The reason I feel so strongly about this responsibility thing is because I’ve experienced the feeling associated with it. Believe me there are few things more empowering than taking full and complete responsibility for yourself, your health, your recovery and transition to cancer survivor.

Be clear, I don’t mean cutting others out, nor I do mean that you shouldn’t lean on your support system, that isn’t it at all. Taking control and responsibility is different than that. You can be independent and still rely heavily on others. In 99 after I woke up from my coma (3 1/2 weeks of it) for the first two days I had a tube in my mouth, had almost no physical strength to do anything yet I very quickly took control and responsibility. In that state I couldn’t speak, for the first almost 48 hours, I couldn’t write, had a very tough time communicating but my parents knew that all decisions had to run by me. That said, I relied more on them, friends and the healthcare team than ever before as I transitioned out of the hospital and began the physical and emotional rebuilding process. Over 5 1/2 years later, I’m still rebuilding, still relying on their love and support and more than ever taking responsibility for my health and survivorship.

Taking responsibility is natural for some, I am one of those, but even if it is something you normally shy away from, when it comes to your health I think it is of paramount importance. And if you aren’t going to take responsibility for your own health, who will?

During your treatment and in the hopefully many phases of survivorship that follow I feel we all have a responsibility to ourselves to take control and responsibility of our situation and the path we take to deal with it.

It is one of the most significant, empowering decisions I have ever made. Far too often we go to the doctor and want to be “fixed”... far too often we want something to make us better, a pill, surgery, whatever, it is my belief that we can get rid of our illness sometimes with the use of those things, but we can never truly heal and thrive without taking responsibility for ourselves.

Taking responsibility for yourself, your decisions and the consequences of those decisions is in my opinion one of the first major steps towards recovering, making things better, turning those dreams into reality, whatever your goals. Sure you can get back to life, return to the way things are but my experience has taught me that you can’t fully recover, physically, emotionally, spiritually, until you have taken responsibility for yourself and your situation.

So if you’re young (or if you’re old) step up, if not you, who? If not now, when? It’s your life, you’re in charge, all you have to do is decide that you are.

Always…
Live life. Love life.

Geoff

Responsibility to Share

I must preface this message by saying I don’t really mean this title to be taken literally. Though I do feel strongly about it as it relates to me personally.

As you are aware RealTime Cancer lost another very special person a short while ago in Krista Hong. I wrote to you then, when I informed you of Krista’s passing, that I really didn’t believe she would die. I haven’t felt that way, this way, before and I’m still working through what it means to me.

Last week as I was playing with this situation in my head I remembered one of the early lessons I learned once I entered the world of “cancer patient.” The lesson was, that much of the time there’s no magic to what I do or how I approach my challenges, most times the most significant thing I do for other people is just be here. Breathing, living, thriving sometimes, that can be the most powerful experience for another. To see someone who has traveled this crazy, incredible and terrifying road of dealing with cancer, and to see that they have come out on the other side. When you’re facing your challenge, knowing there’s at least one other who’s made it through, that matters.

I know as well as anyone that we all don’t come out on the other side. I really felt Krista would.

I sat with myself last week and was thinking about those early days and how many times I’ve had the opportunity to inspire, shock and amaze others by simply still being here. The fact that I’m still here after the road I’ve traveled can be extremely powerful for another who is now facing some of the similar challenges as I have.

And it was those thoughts that lead me to the title of this messageÂ... we have a responsibility to share. If you’ve made it through to the other side you have a responsibility to share. And by “the other side” I’m not talking necessarily about hitting the 5 year mark, the elusive thing still waits for me, but I’m talking about the other side of a challengeÂ... getting a Hickman Catheter, first round of chemo, radiation, dealing with a jackass doc or nurse, or patient, challenging the bureaucracy of the healthcare system, whatever it is there’s a responsibility to share, for me.

I know that sharing isn’t for everyone, but I think it would be great if we all did. I’m not talking about getting your face on the front page, but I am talking about sharing some of the experiences you’ve had and the knowledge you’ve gained from facing your challenges. I feel this way largely because I have seen the impact my experiences have had on others.

I’m not even really talking about teaching here, more sharing. Just letting others know that the seemingly impossible happens, even the impossible, that happens. And when you see a real life example of the impossible then you’re able to believe in it that much more.

RealTime Cancer has recently begun an active pursuit for young people (15-30 years) who are or were cancer patients or supporters of patients. We want them to share their story. It is something so simple and it is something that can make a huge impact on another.

As I said, sometimes just know that another has done the seemingly impossible, makes it feel that much more doable.

You all had the chance to meet Krista Hong, through the RTC Portal, and you got to see what an amazing person she was, how thoughtful, open and driven. You had that wonderful experience of connecting with a truly special person because she shared.

These thoughts, as they often do, just come to me. There isn’t necessarily much rhyme or reason here… I encourage you to share, that’s all. When the opportunity presents itself, and it will, share your challenges, however you are comfortable, reach out and connect.

Always…
Live life. Love life.

Geoff